Bachelor Season 21 Viewing Guide - Episode 3 (Part 1)

Disclaimer - once again, there are no spoilers in this review except about what happens in Episode 3.  I have not watched any of the season previews nor do I know anything about future episodes.

I'm conflicted - normally I like to have my whole week's recap done before posting.  And I like to have my post done before the next episode.  But I don't want to fall too far behind.  So I'm now posting my quick reactions to Episode 3 and there will be some further video clips posted in a second post later this week.

Backstreet Boys and The Bachelor

Quick Reactions

If you have never seen The Bachelor before, this is the episode to watch.  It has EVERYTHING - true connections between the lead and the lead contestants; a villain being perfectly villainous; the Backstreet Boys; socio-economic privilege on full display; a ridiculous set of physical challenges overseen by actual Olympic gold medalists; horrible product placement; too much whipped cream (and blatant manipulation by the producers) many of the women turning on the lead...

The only thing about this episode that sucked was the first 10 minutes where there was a rehash of the previous week's cliffhanger... Apparently Nick slept with Liz the Doula nine months before the show filmed which, coincidentally, was before Nick knew he was going to be the Bachelor.  Oh no! A one-night stand?  Maybe this would be a problem if we were in an overly conservative country where women were told what they could and could not do with their bodies, but clearly that would NEVER happen in the good ol' US of A. (see what I did there?)

We learned a few things about this season of The Bachelor in this episode.  We learned that every fucking episode is going to be a cliffhanger.  We learned who the runner-up will be.  In fact, Nick had significant time with each of the three women I predict will be in the fantasy suite.  We learned of three more people who will be on Bachelor In Paradise IV.

Predictions!!

Three episodes in and I'm feeling pretty ready to predict the rest of the season (barring any major crazy twists like Corinne having sex with Nick in the pool in front of everyone or Chad showing up somehow)...

1. I think that the whole confrontation the women are having with Nick about Corinne is a red herring.  Yes, women are pissed right now (and rightfully so).  I think that the confrontation that happened will be enough of a "wake-up call" to Nick that he needs to start getting more serious.  He's going to do what happens on every season - he'll insist during the rose ceremony that he is doing this for the right reasons and everyone will melt because in the end, everyone is predisposed to like him.
2. Further, I think that Nick will have a serious conversation with Corinne about what's going on and she may evolve into an actual contender.  I think that Nick sees a lot of himself in her and he may be able to get through to her.
3. The winner is going to be Danielle L
4. The runner up will be Vanessa.  My theory is that the runner up ALMOST ALWAYS has a better all-around relationship with the lead than the winner.   The way she got him to get all blubbery on their one-on-one date shows that they have a true connection - she understands him and he feels comfortable being vulnerable in front of her.  And then he'll throw it away for someone he's less sure of, but more attracted to.  By the way, this is not making me happy.
5. Rachel will be the third woman who makes it to the fantasy suite round.
6. Corinne will be the fourth woman who goes on hometown dates.  A separate prediction that is running contrary to this in my head is that she is going to contact her nanny (don't ask) who will join the show and then 
7. Danielle M and Alexis will be the two eliminated before hometowns.
8. Taylor and Raven will be the two eliminated before that.
9. Josephine and Whitney will be eliminated in Episode 4 and thus, won't be traveling with the rest of the group.
10. The next one-on-one date is going to be with Corinne, Raven, Alexis, or Taylor.
11. Ladies who will not get a one-on-one date are: Christen, Kristina, Astrid, Brittany, Sarah, Jaimi, and Jasmine
12. Three women going to BIP IV are: Hailey, Lacey, and Dominique

The only thing I don't know is who will be on the 2-on-1 date.  My thinking is that it has to be Corinne and someone else... Taylor?

Bachelor Season 21 Viewing Guide - Episode 2

Note: I have not yet watched Episode 3 of the Bachelor, so some of what I write may be obsolete by now. Also note that there are no spoilers whatsoever below (beyond episode 2).  I have not even watched the previews for next week's episode.


Episode two of the Bachelor/ette is always interesting to me because the story lines from week two are SO different from the story lines at the end of the season.  Remember last year's Bachelorette when episode two was ALL about Chad?  I can't quite remember, but I felt like episode two of Ben's season was all about Lace's need for more validation.  This episode felt to me like the revealing of two major villains and their friends and enemies...

Public Enemy #1

Name:  Corinne Olympios
Age: 24
Occupation: Business Owner (took over for dad)
Closest Friend: Lacey
Biggest Enemy: Taylor
Female Parallel: Olivia (on Ben's season)
Male Parallel: Nick (on Kaitlyn's season)


This episode, Corinne was crowned (tiara-ed?) the villain.  I actually felt a little bit bad for her because it's so obvious that her competitive nature gets the best of her.  She is also Type-A plus (because Type A isn't good enough) and cannot stand the loss of control.  It also appears that she has a penchant for imbibing a little too much.

So a quick recap...
The first group date was a "bridal photoshoot" with like 10 of the contestants as either brides or bridesmaids.  The brides were: Alexis (shotgun), Corinne (beach), Danielle L (Traditional), Vanessa (80s), Sarah (elopement), Hailey (biker), Taylor (Princess), Brittany (Adam and Eve), .  The bridesmaids were: Lacey (Traditional), Jasmine (80s), Raven (80s), Elizabeth (80s)

The photographer, Franco LaCosta, was going to take pictures of Nick with each.  The one who had the "most chemistry" with him (as pre-determined by Franco the producers) would get some special time with Nick.

Everyone except Corinne seemed to be having fun with the premise and things escalated as more and more brides (and then bridesmaids) started kissing Nick.  Enter Corinne.  She became more and more visibly agitated as woman after woman got time with Nick, kissing him, making eyes, etc.  The second to last woman to go was Brittany in an Adam and Eve wedding - both wearing briefs of leaves and nothing on top.  (Quick side note... is it anything more than coincidence that the last time a contestant had to get naked for a photo shoot was Andi on Juan Pablo's season?)

Corinne was not to be outdone.  For their "beach" wedding, Corinne insisted on going into the pool with Nick and then taking off her top.  But that wasn't enough for her, she took it the next step of posing with Nick behind her, wearing his hands as her bra.  She needed to "beat" Brittany and all the other women.

Nick looked a bit uncomfortable posing for pictures in front of all the other women like that.  And when it was announced that Corinne won for "best chemistry", his voice did not sound enthusiastic.  We (Andree and I) felt that Taylor should have won, but that the producers likely manipulated the results to give us a better villain.

At the cocktail party that night, Corinne interrupted other women's time just because "she needed to get more of Nick."  Once again, I think that she couldn't stand the notion that other women were "winning" by getting more time and having a chance to make a connection.  I found it interesting that she chose to interrupt Alexis and Taylor... Type A Plus's always have a reason for their actions... it isn't just impulsivity.  Alexis and Nick seem to have a total goofball connection (she dressed as a sha...dolphin and then was selected to be the shotgun wedding).  Taylor and Nick had DEFINITE chemistry during their photoshoot.  I wonder if Corinne was even slightly worried that if she interrupted Danielle L that Nick wouldn't grant the interruption.

Corinne took particular exception when she got re-interrupted by Taylor because it was a loss of control prompting a mini-meltdown.  I found it fascinating to hear Corinne give the following speech to all of the women:

The speech:
Guys, we're all here for the same reason.  I cannot stress this enough.  It's gonna get uncomfortable.  It's gonna get crazy.  It's gonna get weird.  But you have to get used to this.  We're gonna interrupt each other.  You're gonna interrupt your friends.  You're gonna make your friends feel weird.  You're gonna make your non-friends feel weird.  But we're here for one reason, and that's Nick.  And you have to go and do what's good for you, and you have to be true to yourself.  No matter how it makes other people feel, you have to be there for yourself. So, just remember that.  No matter how weird it gets, you're here for Nick and that's it.

This speech was intended for one person and one person only, Corinne.  She was speaking to herself under the guise of speaking to the group.  It was her method of re-gaining control over a situation that made her feel uncomfortable.  Re-read the speech and listen to how it sounds if she's addressing herself and trying to convince herself that she didn't do anything wrong and is completely justified for cutting off other women.

Public Enemy #2

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Name: Nick Viall
Age: 35
Occupation: Professional Suitor
Closest Friend: Chris Harrison
Biggest Enemy: Liz (the Doula)

I was reflecting on this episode and somehow feel that Nick also got crowned a villain in his OWN season.  And I felt that this episode highlighted Nick's worst qualities - his indirectness, his passivity, his over-analyzing, and his complacency.

Nick sent Liz the Doula home during the group date... not because of her outfit (which would have been a valid reason)... not because they had sex nine months prior to the taping of the show... but because she couldn't articulate a reason for why she was interested in him now when she could have called him any time over the last nine months.  Absent of anything that really made sense, Nick concluded that she was in it for the tv time.  We'll see when she turns up on Bachelor In Paradise IV.

The dismissal of Liz did not make Nick a villain.  Nick became a villain when we saw how poorly he confronted the Liz situation.  We've seen hints of his inability to be direct here and there... the awkward confrontation with Andi on "After the Final Rose", the lack of direct response when Josh swooped in on Amanda during Bachelor in Paradise III, even after Corinne cut into other women's time repeatedly days prior.  On this group date, Nick could not look Liz in the eye and it became awkward for everyone watching.  Nick has a hard time confronting difficult situations - he becomes passive and indirect.

I feel like Nick likes being pursued and that, in turn, feeds his ego.  It almost seems like he's trying to encourage the women to break the rules - to interrupt each other and ultimately to sneak into his room.  But he doesn't realize that he needs to be in a lead position and define his rules/desires.  It's almost like he'll say yes to any of the women and that starts to lose its luster for both the quality women on the show and for us watching.

I think that Passive Nick becomes Villain Nick while he's the lead.  Until he becomes more enraptured by specific women and decides what he wants, I think he's going to be almost unbearable.

By the way, in case you missed it, this was the moment that Nick decided to let Liz go:

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Heroine #1

Name: Danielle Maltby
Age: 31
Occupation: Neonatal Nurse
Hometown: Nashville

First off, I NAILED it when I guess who would be getting the first one-on-one date.  Granted, I named four people, but I guessed her.

Second, it already seems like everyone in the house loves her.  She has a quiet confidence to her and a lot of wisdom.  I wonder if she comes across as too quiet or non-emotive for Nick's tastes.  She is clearly smart and sweet, but I get the sense that Nick needs someone who is edgier to hold his interest.  She doesn't seem like the woman who will sneak up to him for a kiss because she's too thoughtful of the other ladies.

Other random thoughts...

I was really impressed by Raven's reflection about Nick and everything.  I feel like she was selected for the show when they thought that Luke would be the lead, but it's interesting to see if there is some chemistry between her and Nick.

Once again, the producers gave us a little tease that Danielle L will be the eventual winner.  When Nick mentioned that he might be finding his wife, she was the first woman shown.

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I loved Taylor's reaction in her individual camera time, especially the "and my brain".  Smart women are much more attractive!

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I hated seeing tears in Alexis's and Taylor's eyes...

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I probably should have done a whole section on Taylor, but I didn't.  Her and Nick's kiss was the best of the episode, in my opinion:

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For as much as Corinne's interruptions are played up, it's not as bad as the producers make it out to be.  We saw in the final outtake of the night that Nick and Alexis had much more time together than originally let on.  (It appeared at first that they had two minutes of talking before Corinne barged in.)  Instead, we saw in the outtakes that Alexis was throwing a birthday for her implants and they had time to celebrate and eat cupcakes.

Predictions:

- We're going to see more of Vanessa soon.  There was some other producer magic hinting that we'd see more of her.

- Next one-on-one date is going to one of these four: Lacey, Raven, Alexis, or Taylor.

(speaking of Lacey, she's Jewish!!  Yay, one of my people!)  Here's one of my favorite moments of hers:

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The Bachelor Season 21 - More Thoughts On Episode 1

I wasn't fully satisfied with my last post because I felt that I missed some important tidbits from the first night.  So I went back and re-watched the part from after all the women have arrived up until the rose ceremony.

(Also, I think I've figured out how to make gifs and short video clips!)

The part I found most interesting started with Nick's toast to all the ladies and ended with the first one-on-one time with any woman (though it happened to be Rachel).

Tidbit #1 - Jasmine G was the one to hand Nick a drink when he walked in.  Every season, it seems like the person to offer a drink to the lead is someone who gets significant air time.  And I have to believe that this isn't by chance.  Given the structure for the night, no woman is just sitting around for hours with an extra drink.  And not just that, but Jasmine handed Nick either a whiskey neat or a scotch neat.  There's no way she knew Nick's drink - she must have had it handed to her prior to Nick's entrance.

Tidbit #2 - While Nick is giving his opening toast to all the ladies, the camera cuts to show different women at different times.  I believe some of those cuts are intentional:

Notice that when Nick says "But I'm a big believe in not running from your past but letting it kind of help you in the future," notice that the camera cuts directly to Liz (the Doula) with whom Nick apparently had a one-night stand after Jade and Tanner's wedding.

Tidbit #3: Now look at this clip:

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Notice how when Nick mentions finding "the one" there is a quick cut to Danielle L (first one out of the limo).  Then, "someone who's kind of a strong personality" with a cut to Corinne.  Then "and someone who's truly my partner" with a fade to shark/dolphin girl Alexis.

Tidbit #4: Later in his toast he says, "try to make this as normal as possible in an abnormal world" with a cut to Alexis again.  "And if you can do that, you will certainly leave with no regrets" with a quick cut to Corinne.

Tidbit #5: During the whole toast and all the cuts to different women, there are two women who do not get shown at all: Rachel and Vanessa... the two women who might be the best fits for Nick (in terms of personality, maturity, intelligence, age, I could go on).

Tidbit #6: Normally there's a little bit of drama when the first person "steals" the lead away right after the toast.  It's an aggressive move that signifies that the "contest" has begun.  This season, we were not shown that first move and instead, we go from the toast to Nick having one-on-one time with Rachel with no transition.  But what we don't know is if Nick approached her, if she approached him, or where in the night their interaction began.

Tidbit #7: Through a bit of sleuthing, I've found that Corinne was the first person to get one-on-one time with Nick.  We learn this after Corinne stole him for a second time and got the first kiss with him.  Some of the women saw the kiss and were upset.  Whitney says, "Stealing him first and making out with him, that's pretty aggressive."

Tidbit #8: Here's the first kiss of the season (with Corinne).  As Evelyn said while we watched - she kissed him, he didn't kiss her.

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Tidbit #9: Here's the second kiss of the season (with Rachel).  I hate to say it, but there seems to be some passion missing in this kiss.  Nick seemed more into the kiss with Corinne than this one.  It has more of a "I'm kissing the woman I've been dating for a year" feel to it and not a "This is my first kiss with my future wife" feel.

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Favorite Line #1: Courtesy of Astrid, "The last time I dated someone, I didn't know he was dating other people.  At least this time I know."

Favorite Line #2: Courtesy of Nick regarding Alexis the SharDolphin, "I have a shark.  She thinks she's a dolphin.  That's a concern."

Best clip of the night - Nick giving Alexis a rose while still trying to convince her that she's wearing a shark suit and not a dolphin suit...

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Bachelor Season 21 Viewing Guide - Episode 1

Bachelor Season 21 Episode 1 - WE'RE BACK!!!

Note: The only spoilers below have to do with this episode only.  I do not read anything that will give away the ending.  I have not even watched the season preview so that I don't get biased.

This is Nick

Full disclosure - I've been a fan of Nick Viall from the very outset when he said that he was skeptical of the whole Bachelorette process.  He's always seemed aware that he was on a tv show and yet still dove in head first, so I still find it surprising that so many people hate him so much.

For those of you who don't know our Bachelor, Nick is (was?) a software sales rep.  After a messy break-up with his fiancée, one of Nick's friends signed him up for the Bachelorette.  He was selected for Andi Dorfman's season (Season 10 in 2014) and despite his early reluctance to treat any of it as real, he fell hard for her.  Nick's aloofness with the other male contestants on the show rubbed many the wrong way and led to accusations that he was putting on an act that they felt Andi fell for.  In the morning of the final day (when Nick was planning to propose), Andi came to his room and broke things off with him because she thought Josh would make a better celebrity pairing with her was in love with Josh.  Nick was utterly heartbroken - their chemistry and connection was undeniable based on the way they looked at each other and how they kissed.

Nick and Andi... the innocent years

Unable to cope with the break-up, Nick had made attempts to communicate with Andi during the airing of the show that were rebuffed.  At the "After The Final Rose" show, Nick had a chance to talk to with her and asked "If you didn't love me, I'm not sure why you made love with me?"  People who didn't like Nick decried what they felt was slut shaming behavior while his defenders attributed the admission to the hurt feelings of a man who was truly broken-hearted who was truly looking for answers and was told that this would be his only opportunity to talk to her about it.

Bear with me, but look at it from Nick's perspective.  He went from expecting to pick out an engagement ring to being dumped.  And then went four months without any contact whatsoever... no chance for him to get closure.  Being an over-thinker like Nick, I can imagine that he watched and re-watched every episode from the season, examining them for some indication as to where things went wrong.  On the airing of the final episode, Nick was in the studio watching for the first time when Andi declared to Josh (moments after breaking up with Nick), "it was you from the start.  It was always you."  There was nothing wrong with Nick and Andi's relationship, she just was more into Josh.  Given all of these events, I am not surprised that Nick needed some validation from Andi that what they had was real.

The fun doesn't end there... in a further twist Josh and Andi broke up several months after the airing of the Bachelorette.  While Josh's jealousy and emotional abusiveness were the actual causes of their split, Josh saw Nick to be the reason they split.  Everyone says that it was Nick's bedroom confession that made Josh jealous, but I think it was that Josh saw the chemistry between Nick and Andi and realized that she was much more into Nick than she initially let on.  (Josh claimed that he didn't watch any of The Bachelorette, but that sounds like a lie that a jealous man would make.)

Nick and Kaitlyn... villainous times

In 2015, Nick ended up finding and joining up with the already-in-progress taping of Kaitlyn Bristowe's season (Season 11).  Much to the chagrin of the other male contestants, Kaitlyn allowed Nick to join the show in progress.  Their physical chemistry was undeniable and the other men reacted poorly to his arrival.  Nick kept his distance from them which reinforced the aloofness with which he carried himself in the previous season.  Once again, a sex scandal occurred - in this case they had sex after a one-on-one date.  Kaitlyn felt obligated to tell the other male contestants.  Once again, Nick made it to the final two and this time made it to the proposal where he professed his love only to be stopped as he was about to get down on one knee.  Devastated (but not as bad as before), Nick was sent home a second time.

Nick and Amanda... pre Josh

Nick and Jen

Redemption... In the summer of 2016, we watched Nick join the cast of Bachelor In Paradise 3.  While I have still not seen the full show (I got stalled due to work and wanting to update this blog), it was apparent that the format played to his strengths.  The women on the show felt comfortable and safe around him.  In almost every group shot, Nick has at least one woman sitting with him - an indication of trust and relaxed interactions... he's not giving the creepy vibe and he's actually able to engage in conversation with them.  The men on the show also felt comfortable with him and found him to be a normal guy and a voice of reason.  What probably won everyone over was the way that Nick handled himself when his former rival, Josh, joined the cast an blatantly went after the woman with whom Nick had already kindled a relationship (Amanda).

Anyway, that's Nick.  He's the Bachelor.  I like him and will likely defend him all the way up until the final episode when he does what EVERY bachelor and bachelorette seems to do and picks the contestant who he/she finds to be more physically attractive over the one with whom there is more of a sustainable connection.  (With the exception of Jojo who got rid of Luke one round too early.)

But enough of that... we're on a new season of The Bachelor where 30 22 women are now vying for Nick's heart.  Will anyone win?  Will everyone lose?  Will Chris Harrison ever learn the definition of "unprecedented?"

After watching the first episodes, here are my predictions for the season:

The Hometown Visits

These are the four women who will introduce Nick to their families.  They have to be Danielle L (came out of the limo first, but we aren't sold on her), Rachel (First Impression Rose, my favorite), Vanessa (Evelyn's favorite), and Danielle M (can't have too many Danielles).

I'm sure we'll talk about them more in future posts.

Villains Gotta Vill

No season of the Bachelor/ette would be complete without a villain or two.  The Chad may have broken the mold last season, but I see a bit of potential here:

Liz (the Doula)

Liz (the Doula) - already has some history with Nick (they "met" when she was a bridesmaid for Tanner and Jade's wedding) and doesn't seem to be shy about talking about it.  In her blog, former Bachelor favorite Sharleen Joynt presented an interesting point about whether or not Liz and Nick had sex after the wedding.  We're made to think that they did, but it isn't crystal clear (read her post for this, but also because she does a great job of blogging on the Bachelor).

Corinne - she butted into time between Nick and Vanessa to make sure to kiss Nick first.  She seems to be easily pliable by the producers and doesn't mind stirring things up.  The other women are going to hate her.  Plus she's very pretty.

Raven - I'm already not a fan of hers.  Plus she has that perfect combination of not giving a fuck and thinking she's much tougher than the other women there to give her enough confidence that she can say and do whatever she wants without any real repercussions.

Drunk Girl

It's not always the first night, but there's always someone who can't hold their alcohol: Victoria (Juan Pablo's season), Tara (Chris's season), Lace (Ben's season), Craig (Andi's season), Ryan (Kaitlyn's season), and Daniel (Jojo's season).  Alexis (the sharkdolphin) looked a little sauced to me, but I wouldn't call her the drunk girl yet.  She managed to keep it together enough.  BUT, I have my top candidates for drunk girl:

Alexis - at 23, she's one of the younger contestants AND she seems a little intimidated by all the other women there AND she seemed like she had a lot to drink the first night.

Liz (Doula) - I can see her being on a group date, not being able to cope with all the drama, and just hitting the bar HARD.

Kristina

Kristina (24) - Also on the young side.  She was having a bit of a meltdown on the first night.  I wouldn't normally peg a Russian to be the drunk one, but she's a Russian living in Lexington, so you never know.

Josephine (24) - Also also on the young side.  She seemed to be a little bit on the wild side, and I could see her drinking to over-compensate.

First Date Card

Who will get the first one-on-one date.  The lead always seems to wait on their top choices for dates two through six, so the first date is kind of a wild card... it's someone who piques the lead's interest, but not TOO much.  Previous winners were: Clare (Juan Pablo's, ended up runner up); Megan (Chris's, top 7), Caila (Ben's, top 3); Eric (Andi's, top 12); Clint (Kaitlyn's, top 15); Derek (Jojo's, top 7).

Nick and Sarah... I think there's something there

Sarah - she was really cute and I loved how Nick told her to just be herself and not be what she thought she needed to be.  I also really like her energy.

Corinne - she initiated the first kiss with Nick.  However, at 24, she's a bit young and I could see that Nick might want to take her on a first date to see if there's substance there.  (Andree's reaction to her was "She's so pretty!!  She sounds fake.")

Danielle M - super sweet woman who we LOVE.

Elizabeth - she seemed very nervous at first.  She was the second out of the limo, so SOMETHING needs to happen with her.

Other Predictions and Other Thoughts:

Warriors Girl - Jasmine G

DRAMA - Jasmine G and Liz.  We spoke about Liz already.  Jasmine G is the Warriors girl who is seeming to have a hard time with the format.  She said in her personal camera time that she never chases a guy.  Well, she'll have to do that now.

Over/Under on times mentioning that Christen is a virgin: 144.5.  For fuck's sake, who gives a shit if someone is a virgin or not?  If you're going to be a virgin on the show, do it like Becca and downplay it... not like Ashley I where it's your sole identity.

Everyone's Friend - Taylor, Elizabeth and/or Danielle M.  They just have the look and demeanor of good listeners.

Biting Commentary... we hope - Vanessa, Taylor, Astrid, and Dominique seem like they're going to give us good personal camera time quotes.

I'll give you this rose if you admit you're a shark... I'm a shardolphin.

The Shark/Dolphin debate was FANTASTIC.  For those who missed it, Alexis is a dolphin lover and intended to arrive in a dolphin suit (dolphinately).  BUT her suit had sharp teeth, a triangular nose, AND GILLS.  It was a shark suit, but she kept insisting it was a dolphin.  Nick couldn't let it go and kept trying to get Alexis to confess that it was a shark suit... all the way up to the point when he gave her a rose.

Why can't we get each of the women's entry out of the limo?  Is that really too much to ask?  They're giving up months of their lives, give them 2 minutes of fame without playing carnival music.  So what if we never see them again?  Or make the first night 3 hours.

Bachelor In Paradise - Episode 2 - A Study In Masculinity

(Quick disclaimer - I have not seen past episode 2 yet of this season.  All my reactions are based entirely on what has been shown on the show.  I have not viewed any spoilers beyond the previews shown during the episodes and I have not read anything about what happens.)

I am LOVING this season so far.  There are so many different things that can be discussed.  For this episode, my focus was on all of the different ways that masculinity was portrayed.  And to no one's surprise, it wasn't really positive if you go against gender norms.

Masculinity Example #1 - Overly Aggressive: The Chad

The Chad and Lace.  Notice the aggressive posture.

Episode 2 began with the cliffhanger(?) of The Chad being dismissed from the show.  For those of you not watching the show, but reading the blog, The Chad is a clusterfuck of a human who, on night one, managed to get shit-faced drunk and kiss fight with Lace up until the point that he started being too physical with her and extraordinarily rude to everyone else.

At the start of Episode 2, we saw Chad being belligerent with Chris Harrison (the host) and the camera crew.  Some quotes, "On a scale from 1 to fuck off... fuck off." (to Chris Harrison).  "You come at me with 25 people, I'm going to say things that are slightly offensive, slightly funny.  What do you expect?  It's like... fun.  It's fun.  They were all vibing me until they realized that they weren't supposed to be vibing me."  "Vibing my meat tastes."

The Chad is our shining example of a guy who gets what he wants through aggression and force.  He blames others for his problems and intimidates others by losing control.  The show rewards this behavior by focusing on it and not stepping in while it's happening.  Chad has had about 200% more air time than he should have and the previews make it look like he'll be getting even more.

Masculinity Example #2 - Following Gender Norms: Jared, Vinny, Grant, Daniel, Josh

Vinny and Izzy.  Who?

Vinny effectively used the rose situation (he had one to give out and two people interested (Sarah and Izzy) to get himself two make out sessions on the same night.  (That may not look so good upon replay.)  Now, we know that Vinny was interested in Sarah when she arrived and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he honestly didn't know who he was going to pick.  But like a typical guy, Vinny went with the sure thing.  Even more typically, he didn't tell either woman what he was thinking.

Grant - looking past it

After watching Lace making out with Chad the previous night, Grant swooped in and ignored his own advice from the previous episode when he said, "She looks like a mess.  I feel sorry for anyone who dates her."  What rubbed me the wrong way was that Grant kept saying to Lace, "I'm willing to look past it."  What is "it" specifically?  Being interested in someone else?  Being mistreated by a guy in front of 12 other people who were unwilling or unable to stand up for her?  What's wrong with a woman making out with a couple guys?  If anything, Grant should be saying something like, "I'm sorry I didn't step in last night to make sure that you were okay."

Josh and Amanda

Daniel (with The Chad)

Neither Josh nor Daniel seems capable of having a conversation about feelings.  In most of their discussions, they seem to base their interest in women solely on their looks.  To his credit, Daniel did give his rose to Sarah because everyone seemed to like having her around.  But that doesn't make up for Daniel's first day in paradise where he made some pretty demeaning comments (comparing them to dogs, etc.)

Jared and Jubilee on their 1-1 date

And Jared... I can't get a read on Jared.  In his one-on-one date with Jubilee and in his time with Emily, he just has seemed emotionally distant.  In doing so, he's maintaining control.

Masculinity Example #3 - The Effeminate Guy: Evan

Evan and Carly before the emasculation

Evan could have been the lead singer for an 80s band.  But instead, he's an erectile dysfunction specialist.  He's in touch with his feelings and he consistently talks about wanting to be stronger in his private camera time.  But the fact of the matter is that Evan does not have a stereotypically male presence.

He and Carly struck up a friendship and both of them were interested in seeing if things could progress.  While they DID kiss, there were three major problems: 1) It did not happen in a romantic way; 2) Evan is apparently a bad kisser; and 3) Evan didn't initiate the kiss, it just kind of happened.

The night after the rose ceremony, Evan and Carly went on a one-on-one date that was, admittedly, pretty freaking horrible.  Their date was to set a world record for "Longest Hottest Kiss" where each of them had to eat a habanero pepper in 30 seconds and then maintain a kiss for at least 90 seconds.  That was mean of the producers.

Carly was pretty rude when talking about Evan in her private camera time.  Saying things like "That was the worst kiss ever" or "I've never wanted to not go on a date more in my life" or "I vomited partly from the habanero and partly from kissing Evan".  Is there more that the producers can do to emasculate him?

Masculinity Example #4 - The Emotionally Intelligent Guy/The Feminist: Nick

Nick

with Amanda

Disclaimer: I've liked Nick ever since Andi's season.

We saw on his date with Amanda that he has a high level of emotional intelligence and can actually communicate about his feelings.  During their dinner, Nick reflected to Amanda the qualities he saw in her that were deeper than her "niceness".  I liked the way he asked her to describe what she was looking for in a husband.  The whole discussion was mature and it was a refreshing change from some of the other interactions taking place.  They both seemed TOTALLY into each other.

I also tremendously respected that when Leah met one-on-one with Nick to try to get his rose, he told her directly that he wasn't going to do it.  He didn't give her false hope nor did he lie to her.  Instead, he gave her plenty of time to try to secure a rose from one of the other guys (leading to one of the funniest exchanges ever (with Daniel)).

BUT THEN...

After the rose ceremony, the next man to arrive was Josh Murray, the "winner" of Andi's season.  This was the same season that Nick was the runner up the first time.  In a lot of ways, Josh blamed Nick for the failure of Josh and Andi's relationship - Josh was pretty jealous of Andi's relationship with Nick and wasn't able to get over it, even after he won.  It was definitely NOT a coincidence that Josh came on the show so early.

Josh IMMEDIATELY found out who Nick was interested in and proceeded to ask Amanda out on a date.  Amanda accepted and their date had some sparks.  Soon after they returned from their date, Josh made a point of kissing her in front of Nick.  And here, the episode ended.

Now one could say that if Nick really liked Amanda, he should fight for her and not let her pick Josh over him.  But I believe that women should have a say in who they date.  Just because Nick wants Amanda, it doesn't mean that the feeling is mutual.  Of course Nick shouldn't give up without any fight.  He needs to pull Amanda aside and tell her how he feels about her, but that ultimately she needs to decide who she feels is the best fit for her in the long run.  It isn't the sexy or romantic way to approach it, but ultimately, Amanda needs to decide for herself what she wants.  I've always felt that if you needed to convince someone to love you, it isn't going to last.

We'll see what happens.

Current Crazy Watch

Let's see if your scorecard matches mine:

Voices of Reason (VOR): Nick, Vinny, Sarah, Jared
Crazies: Jubilee (eliminated), Leah (eliminated), Lace, Chad (eliminated)
Fame Seekers: Evan, Carly, Daniel, Emily, Haley, Grant, Izzy, Josh
Not sure: Amanda (probably a VOR)

If we look at the relationships:
Lace and Grant (Crazy and Fame Seeker) - lasts for this season
Vinny and Izzy (VOR and Fame Seeker) - won't last
Nick and Amanda (VOR and VOR) - marriage material
Amanda and Josh (VOR and Fame Seeker) - won't last
(not including Carly and Evan due to her extreme distaste for him)

Other Thoughts

• Evelyn's first comment on seeing Josh - "His teeth are not real"
• Josh always sounds like he's a coach giving pep talks.  Listen to his private camera time, it's like he's trying to psych someone up for the big game.  Evelyn says that he's always trying to put a positive spin on things.
• In one days' time, Leah was BLINDSIDED that Chad wasn't there (blindsided?), SMITTEN by Nick, FLABBERGASTED (when Nick took Amanda on a date immediately after she had taken Nick on a date), JEALOUS of Amanda, BETRAYED when Nick didn't feel like their one date meant they were in a relationship, and she managed to alienate everyone who had previously known her.  It was a pretty epic day in paradise.
• Some advice for Amanda... if you are ever in a situation where a woman has written a tell-all book and one of the guys you like is prominently featured negatively in it, don't take his word when he says "It's all lies".  Fucking think about it.  Let's say you were in Josh's situation... even if everything said in the book was a lie, you'd still have thoughts about it that would be worth sharing.  But to shut down the whole conversation either means that Josh has something to hide/be embarrassed about OR Josh is unable to talk about himself or his feelings.
• Some more advice for Amanda, if a guy asks you about yourself and immediately after mentioning that you have two kids he tries to show empathy by talking about his dog being the apple of his eye... he is willing to say anything to get into your pants and that is all.  Comparing kids to owning a dog isn't even in the same ballpark.

And To The Best Exchange of the Season...

Daniel messing with Leah while she was desperately trying to get a rose:

Leah: I've got a lot of layers

Daniel: Like an onion?

L: Yeah, like an onion.

D: You're not gonna make me cry, though

L: No

D: Then you aren't like an onion.

L: (mumbles something unintelligible)

D: You're like an orange.  One layer.
L: (speechless)

Bachelor In Paradise - Episode 1

What did I just watch????


On one hand, I want to encourage everyone to watch this season of Bachelor In Paradise.  On the other hand, I think that everyone should avoid it at all costs.  But I am absolutely riveted by what I saw in the first episode.

I want to avoid talking about The Chad.  I think it rewards disrespectful behavior.  He is an ugly human being.  Unfortunately, you can't talk about this episode without talking about him, but we'll get to that later.

The Three Categories of Contestants

A couple of seasons ago, I wrote in my blog that there were three types of contestants on Bachelor In Paradise: Voices of Reason (VOR) (the peer counselors/the ones who keep everything in perspective), Fame Seekers (the ones who will do/say anything to get as much air time as possible), and Crazies.  I have decided to re-define the "Crazy" category so that it includes men/women who get obsessive, men/women who refuse (or are unable) to listen to reason.

I also wrote this:

Fame Seekers and Crazies make a natural self-sustaining relationship.  The Fame Seeker knows that he/she won't get kicked off no matter what they do because the Crazies don't know when to say "enough".

Fame Seekers can date other Fame Seekers... it doesn't make for a compelling relationship because they both want to be on tv and can't really deepen the relationship.

Crazies cannot date Crazies.  That leads to domestic violence.

VOR cannot date Crazies.  They realize that Crazy always stay Crazy and that gets scary.

VOR can date Fame Seekers for the short term, but it doesn't work in the long term.  The Fame Seeker comes across as fake and the VOR can't take it for too long.

VOR can date VOR, but it isn't compelling tv to watch a healthy relationship.  They may just get married (like Tanner and Jade last year).

Obviously, EVERYONE on the show has some element of being a fame seeker, but if you look closely, you can see their true colors shine through.

The Contestants

Before watching this episode, I didn't watch any of the previews of the season.  I made a list of the people I would like to see on the show.  I came up with: Jubilee (from Ben's season), Josh A (Kaitlyn's season), Cody (Andi), Ben Z (Kaitlyn), Lauren H (Ben), Carly (Chris), Amber (Chris and Ben), Danielle (Juan Pablo), Olivia (Ben) Nick (Andi and Kaitlyn), Clare (Juan Pablo), Wells (Jojo), James T (Jojo), Christian (Jojo), and Michelle Money (because why not).  I was very happy with the results.

As I was watching each of the video introductions, I realized how excited I was for the season.


I have provided my snap judgment/categorization of each contestant and also, parenthetically, my reaction to seeing them on the show:

Voices of Reason:
Amanda (YAY!), Nick (YAY!), Vinny (meh), Jared (yay), Sarah (FUCKING YAY!!!), Carly (YAY!)

Crazies:
Jubilee (YAY!), Lace (meh), Chad (BOO)

Fame Seekers:
Evan (meh), Daniel (meh), Emily (Boo), Haley (Boo), Grant (meh), Izzy (who?)

Favorite Quotes

"It's the penis guy" - Jubilee (when Evan arrived in Paradise)
"Find out his name so I don't call him penis guy" - Jubilee to Nick
"I love savage people" - Jubilee (about Chad)
"I think the new girl is beautiful" - Vinny about Sarah (and then never talked to her)
"How old are you?" Daniel to Izzy.  To which Izzy says '25'.  Daniel says, "27? 23? 21? 25? 23?"  Izzy said '25' two more times before giving up.
"Let's go over there with everyone else" - Izzy to Daniel right after.
"You look pretty" Amanda to Lace (with the ever-so-slightest emphasis on the word look which turns what would have been a compliment into a slight)
"It's probably the stupidest conversation ever" -Emily or Haley talking about the conversation that Daniel was having with the other twin.
"I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out." - Amanda when asked who she would ask out on a date if she got a date card.  It was just so diplomatic, but perfectly deflected.
"Jubilee seems like an Ashley I rerun" - Carly being very insightful
"I've been to war and back and can't handle a fricking clown?" - Jubilee while on her date with Jared and getting interrupted by a clown.

"Don't go all in on the first night" - Vinny (after going all in on the first night)
"She looks like a mess.  I feel sorry for anyone who dates her." - Grant about Lace (it just felt like foreshadowing)
"Can you be a runner up in paradise?" - Nick (probably a foreshadowing quote)
"You have a better chance of making out with a turtle than making out with anyone here." - Daniel to Chad

And the best one... "Chad, your time in paradise has ended" - Chris Harrison

Least Favorite Quote

"I'm in Puerto Vallartee and I'm ready to party" - Vinny.  Fuck you, Vinny.

Other Observations

• Nick didn't really have any friends on Kaitlyn's season.  When Jared arrived, the two hugged like old friends.  They appear to have buried the hatchet.
• Nick's shorts seemed to be too tight
• I loved that Nick's occupation was "Runner Up" and that in his video introduction they replayed the two "I'm sorry"s he got from Andi and Kaitlyn
• The glow on Daniel's speedo was fantastic!
• At one point when Emily or Haley was speaking, the caption read "Haley or Emily" with the occupation "Twin"
• I don't buy that Chad shat himself while passed out.
• Why does everyone reference Jade and Tanner and not Marcus and Lacey?
• When Carly arrived, none of the guys went over to hug her
• There are twins on the show.
• When Grant and Jubilee met, he looked away while hugging her
• Who were the two people that Jubilee seemed to trust? Sarah and Nick.
• Hey, did you notice that there are twins on the show?
• When all the shit was going down with Chad, there were five women hanging out with Nick: Amanda, Haley, Emily, Sarah, and, eventually, Lace.  Seems like the women trust him.
• I think the producers knew it was only a matter of time until The Chad imploded.  In the last two seasons of BIP, there were six roses to be given out at each rose ceremony.  Then in BIP 3, there are seven guys and eight women (plus if one of the twins gets a rose, the other one stays?).  How would ANYONE get kicked off?  I think they knew that Chad would get kicked out before the first rose ceremony because they knew how volatile he would be.

Chad and Lace

Carly put it best, this WAS the shortest relationship ever on Bachelor In Paradise.  And you know what, it's too bad.  For the first 30 minutes, they were actually VERY cute.  Lace wasn't putting up with The Chad's shit.  Chad actually looked happy for a little bit - he actually seemed to be laughing for real.  They were actually kind of cute.  And while they were playing rough each other, it appeared to me to be consensual.  Watching them play at power dynamics and to see Chad cede some control to Lace was fascinating.

But then Chad couldn't let good stay good - he had to push it too far.  Who knows, maybe he felt the need to push her away.  Maybe he thought that he needed to get and stay drunk to keep her interested.  Maybe he couldn't keep toeing the line of play vs disrespect.

Whatever the case, Chad crossed the line.  He stopped listening to Lace and didn't respect her boundaries.  What started as cute and charming became inappropriate, offensive, and demeaning.

Time For Chad To Leave... Forever

It was hard to watch Chad get angry and physically intimidate Lace and to call her the names he did.  When he walked past her at one point, he pushed her out of the way.  Why didn't any of the BIP staff intervene?  The only one who stood up to him at all was Sarah and the stuff he said to her was WAY out of bounds.  Sarah has long been my favorite on BIP and somehow she became even more impressive by not giving Chad the pleasure of getting upset by his words.  I was disappointed that Nick didn't say/do anything.  But I thought Daniel did a good job of confronting Chad after everyone left.

I was surprised that Chris Harrison intervened as quickly and as decisively as he did, but I'm glad he did.  Chris Harrison made a big point of the fact that Chad was rude to the hotel staff.  I like that Chris gave everyone a chance to say what they wanted


We saw in the preview for Episode 2 that Chad comes back after being dismissed.  And then they made it out to be a big thing.  I would be SHOCKED if episode 2 ended up being even a quarter as exciting as they made it out to be.

Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 7

As I write this, I have not seen past this episode.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Thing I Absolutely Despised

How do you not go and meet James T's family?  How do you not select him for a hometown date?  Especially after Jojo said to him, "You have every quality that I would want in a husband and father to my children."  And you pick dumb as rocks Chase instead of him?  Chase?  The guy who said that he has never opened up before to a woman???

What the actual fuck?!?

I hope James T is the next Bachelor.

UPDATE - I've been thinking about this all day and I still don't understand Jojo's decision.  The only explanation I can think of is that Jojo doesn't want to face James's family and see what a great guy he is because it would only make the break-up harder because it's really down to Luke and Jordan (as evidenced by the fact that they got the one-on-one dates - Jojo wasn't using the extra time to explore her relationship with the other guys, she wanted to spend extra time with her two favorites).  Meanwhile, she finds both Robby and Chase to be really hot (they've both had some pretty intense make-out sessions with her).  Why not have fun with the hot ones and minimize the heartache at the same time?  I still don't like the decision, but it's the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Three or Four Things I Liked

1. I liked how Jordan opens up to Jojo and how relaxed they both are during their one-on-one time.  Watching this date in contrast to Jojo's date with Alex (after he got sent home) was night and day.  Jojo just seems to be at ease around Jordan.
2. Speaking of Alex, I was very happy to see him go home.  He needs to do some growing before he gets into another relationship.  On his date, he seemed like a puppy - really excited about everything, but no real understanding of anything.  It was almost as if Alex was thinking, "ok, we're making out.  What else do we need?"  He doesn't have the depth of character yet to really delve into understanding a potential life partner... understanding what's important to hr and why.  I also liked that Alex reacted to his being sent home like a puppy - with his head down and tail between his legs.  Just watch at my horror at him showing up on Bachelor In Paradise.
   
3. I really liked Jojo's speech at the beginning of the rose ceremony where she drew parallels to her experience in the previous season.  It had a ring of sincerity to it and wasn't the usual, "the choices just getting harder and harder" line we've heard 14,000 times.
4. During the group date, I loved how James was giving Robby shit for checking out all the women they'd pass by in Argentina (when not on dates).  When James mentioned WER (Wandering Eye Robby), I wanted to know if he just made that up on the spot or if it was an actual thing the guys called him.  Either way, I thought it was hilarious.

Three Things I Didn't Like

1. James getting sent home!  What the fuck?!  Robby getting the group date rose DESPITE the fact that his last relationship lasted 3 years and ended less than four months before The Bachelorette started taping.  There is NO WAY he can be in love again.  (That goes without mentioning the fact that he had fallen in love with Jojo after one date.)
2. Seriously, James got sent home?  Finding out that Aaron Rodgers won't be on the hometown visit for Jordan.  I was actually surprised to hear that Jordan and Aaron didn't have a good relationship, but the fact that it didn't come up until now was refreshingly real.  I mean, how do you bring that up on the show and not have it be misconstrued as you just being whiny or you just wanting to name drop or anything else?  It must suck to have a brother you don't talk to, but have the brother be famous and have everyone else assume that you've got it made because your brother is famous (I don't know about you, but that's what I was thinking).

   

   We won't see this guy on the Bachelorette any time soon.  :(

3. This has to be a joke, right?  James didn't get sent home, did he? Robby going streaking down the hallway during the group date and it being considered funny while on Chris's season of the Bachelor, when Kaitlyn went bottomless and Ashley I went topless, they got slut-shamed.  I'm all for nudity, but not as much for the double standards here.

By the way, is this the first Bachelor/Bachelorette in a while where someone hasn't snuck out to get more alone time with the lead?  I'm surprised that nothing like that happened this season - I feel like Robby, Jordan, Chase, and Alex were all candidates to do that.