Bachelor In Paradise Episode 3 Viewing Guide – All About Marquel (Mostly)

I know there was a 2-day marathon of Bachelor In Paradise that happened earlier this week.  Just know that I haven’t watched any of it yet – it’s sitting in my DVR waiting for me tonight!  So in an effort to stay relevant… actually I’ll just stop there.  You know how sometimes people say, “the moment I start taking X seriously, please shoot me in the face.”  Well, that was my moment.  Nothing about this show is relevant, though it is still entertaining…

That is, Bachelor in Paradise is entertaining except for Episode 3 where we were shown that NOTHING is going on right now in Paradise:

• Chris hurt his knee while WALKING
• Marquel went on two dates (and that created artificial drama despite the fact that they’re on a show where people GO ON DATES)
• Marcus and Lacy are still together (doing such crazy things as the Dirty Dancing lift in the pool next to the ocean)
• Clare and Zack are still together
• AshLee is still crazy and is dreaming of babies with Graham
• Chris and Elise had crazy sex that Elise kept promising through the phrase “you will be blessed”
• Couples went on all sorts of dates… all in Campeche (a word that is apparently unpronounceable)

Spanish Butchery

We were treated to THREE different pronunciations of Campeche.  First was Elise who called it Cam-pe-shay.  Second was Jackie who correctly pronounced it Cam-Pe-cheh.  Last was AshLee who called it Com-Pah-Chee.  Thanks for showing us how Americans travel. 

In episode 1, they had everyone do a “Hola Mexico” cheer.  If you told me that they had to do a voiceover of that line because someone couldn’t properly pronounce Meh-Hee-Co, I would not be surprised.

Marquel Is a Man After All

And by that, my friends, I don’t mean this in a macho, chest-thumping way or that Marquel finally got his first kiss.  I mean that Marquel made the same bad decision that many guys make…

At some point in almost every man’s/boy’s life, they are fortunate enough to be interested in two different women (or men) simultaneously.  And, as luck would have it, both women (or men), have some level of reciprocal interest.  How does the man/boy make his decision?  You all know the answer – 9 times out of 10, he picks the one who is less attainable and is actually less interested in him.  And then what happens?  She either rebuffs him or she plays along for a little while in the hope that something better comes along.  Meanwhile, the correct pick ALL ALONG was the one who was more interested in him to begin with.

Friends, we have learned that it is far more important to be loved for who we are.  And no matter WHO it is, trying to convince someone to love you is never worth the effort.

Enter Marquel…

Right after the rose ceremony, Danielle (from Juan Pablo’s season) arrived and asked Marquel out on a date.  (We’ll get to Mich Money’s ridiculousness in a moment).  Marquel said yes.  On said date, Danielle confessed to having a crush on Marquel from the previous season, but managed to convey this crush without A) sounding crazy, B) creeping Marquel out, and C) looking anything but super sweet (I LOVED how she would light up in her private camera time when talking about Marquel).

Immediately upon their return from date land, Jackie (who was from some other season I didn’t watch) arrives and asks Marquel on a date.  To which he says yes.  Marquel, who is enjoying being the object of three women’s affections, kind of lets it all get to his head.  During the date with Jackie, he breaks his “no kissing on the first date” rule and turns it into more of a guideline.  They kiss.  He’s happy.  He gives his rose to Jackie and not Danielle and not Mich Money.

All’s well that ends well.  Right?

In the private camera, we learn that Jackie was more interested in Zack than Marquel, but Marquel seemed like the only single one, so she asked him on the date.  We also know that Zack was interested in Jackie, so maybe trouble is afoot soon.

Marquel, like most guys, picked the unattainable woman who has some interest and sent home the woman who was actually really into him.  It’s far better to be with someone who IS interested in you than to be with someone who is more of a “reach”.  (If you need more evidence, let me remind you of Juan Pablo and Sharleen and Juan Pablo and Andi.  In both cases, these women were Juan Pablo’s top choices and neither of them really were sold on him.)

Nonetheless, Danielle got sent home, TOTALLY unfairly in my opinion.  She seemed very much like a voice of reason, but there’s not enough room for more voices of reason right now.  And, quite frankly, I really don’t see what is so attractive about Jackie. 

Seriously, you pick Danielle every time, right?

Jackie... I just don't see it.

Michelle Money Packs Her Fame Seeking Bags and Books A Trip To Crazytown

My impression of Mich Money has steadily declined as the season progresses.  I started off liking her, but I’ve found that she just says one of the main catch phrases of The Bachelor Franchise.

“What am I going to do?” 

After the rose ceremony, Marquel gets asked on a date by Danielle.  Mich Money starts freaking out and says “What am I going to do?”  Holy shit, you’re in a beautiful area ON A REALITY TV SHOW and “your” man gets asked out on a date.  What you’re going to do is wait for him to get back and then show your interest in him so that he doesn’t go pick someone else.  What you aren’t going to do is get in a fight with him while he isn’t even there and then swear him off while he’s gone for 10 hours.

But here’s why I don’t think Mich Money is crazy yet… she likes having drama happen to her BECAUSE she likes being on screen.  More Drama = More Camera Time. 

Mich Money also does a thing I DESPISE.  Several times she gives a disingenuous recommendation to someone else.  When Danielle arrives, she doesn’t know who to pick for her date and doesn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.  Mich Money tells Danielle to pick any guy because they’re all great.  After Danielle picks Marquel, Mich Money gets all upset.

Several more times, Mich Money does the same thing – tells someone to do what they want and then gets offended when they take her at face value.

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!

Marcus and Lacy got some obligatory camera time this week.  They’re all googoo over each other.  There’s no compelling tv to watch with it.  It turns out that guys who are crazy and women who are crazy are COMPLETELY different beasts.  Crazy/Obsessive guys cool off while they have the girl unless she flirts with other guys.  Otherwise, they’re quiet and fine.  Crazy/Obsessive women stay crazy throughout and have more problems.  They are fun to watch and are always out.

Unfortunately, it does not appear that Lacy is savvy enough to recognize that she’s on BIP with 3-4 seasoned veterans of reality tv.  She needs to emulate them if she wants more screen time.

Dirty Dancing Lift...     Nailed It

Sarah and Robert, but Mostly Sarah

It is no secret that Sarah is my favorite on the show.  She strikes me as the ultimate voice of reason, she is a great listener for all the crazies, she doesn’t seem to seek too much attention, and after this episode, she shows genuine vulnerability.

After Marquel left with Danielle on their date, Mich Money saw the writing on the wall and tried to figure out how to stay on the show.  She targeted the only real remaining possibility – Robert.  Now Sarah and Robert have been working on their relationship and letting it progress naturally.  The cameras make it look like Sarah is doing the chasing and that Robert isn’t as interested, but if you notice, almost every time there’s a group shot or Robert goes to sit down somewhere, Sarah and Robert are next to each other.

So much so that the only way for Mich Money to get some alone time with Robert was to launch a scheme with Clare through which they would surprise Zack and Robert with a double date one night.  The drama that ensues was VERY interesting to me.

1. Mich Money “feels bad” and tells Sarah that this is going to happen, so as not to step too hard on her toes.  I honestly think that this was done somewhat out of respect because Mich Money NEVER shies away from drama if she can help it and a fight between her and Sarah would have provided plenty of drama.
2. Sarah confronts Robert about the date and Robert plays dumb BECAUSE HE HAD NO IDEA ABOUT IT.  Sarah thinks he’s lying because Mich Money told her about the date.  But Robert hadn’t been told yet.  Why didn’t Mich Money invite Robert on the date right away?  Either because he was spending too much time with Sarah or because she wasn’t sure how it would all play out.
3. When the four of them go on the double date, Sarah shows her vulnerability and let’s us see that she doesn’t see herself as attractive as Mich Money and some of the other women there.  She sees this as “game over” and that she’s lost Robert.
4. In so doing, she shows that she doesn’t believe or trust Robert’s interest in her.  Or rather, she thinks he likes her, but probably just as a friend.  She’s bemoaning the fact that she hasn’t made a move.
5. Most importantly and disappointingly, no one there has Sarah’s back.  She’s there for everyone else, but when she’s in need, everyone else ran away.  AshLee made an effort, but failed.  Lacy talked to her for a little bit, but didn’t want to deal with it and snuck away (in search of her Precioussss).  Even Elise was too busy getting ready for her date to care about Sarah.  (Need I remind you that Sarah was Elise’s shoulder to cry on for the entire transition period between Dylan and Chris… you know, the 20 hour transition).
6. After the double date, Sarah and Robert were together almost ALL the time.  Looks like that double date kind of back-fired.  And I would guess that Robert didn’t appreciate being surprised like he was.

Predictions

I don’t have my prediction sheet with me, but I’ll tell you this, it said something like:

Zack picks Clare

Graham picks AshLee

Marcus picks Lacy

Marquel picks Jackie

Robert picks Sarah

Chris picks himself

And that Danielle would somehow stay and that Elise and Mich Money would leave

I was close.  Chris did kind of pick himself and now he and Elise are gone.  I did not like either of them, so all I can say is that this brings me pleasure: http://www.wetpaint.com/bachelor-in-paradise/articles/2014-08-06-chris-bukowski-elise-mosca-breakup

Finally, one last note – I found Marcus’s comment about how he didn’t like Chris ever since Chris crashed “His [Marcus’s] season with Andi.”  Very interesting wording.  Marcus may be with Lacy, but he isn’t over Andi.

Marcus's Precious