Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 5

Once again, I'm catching up...

Highlights of Episode 5

• The guys celebrate The Chad being kicked off, only to have him show up again at the house
• Rose ceremony where James F (boxing dude) and Daniel (the annoying) got eliminated
• Jordan's one-on-one date yachting and swimming with seals
• The magazine non-issue
• The group date where they went sand boarding
• Robby's one-on-one date where they jumped off a cliff
• Rose ceremony where Evan, Grant, and Vinny go home

Three Things I Liked

I like all three of those things

1. Actually... I'll be honest, I really didn't like this episode much at all.  Looking back at the episode, there was very little, if anything, that I liked.  Instead of Three Things I Liked, I have...

Seven Things I Really Didn't Like

1. This episode was like the walking dead - it just felt like a formality to go from 13 to the four hometown dates.  In my notes, I wrote, "Vinny, James F, Daniel, Wells, Evan, Derek, and Alex could all go home this week.  Really it's between Luke, Jordan, and James."  Here's the thing, if it's down to thirteen guys and you haven't kissed the lead yet (or even come close), you're OUT, you just don't know it yet.  It makes episodes 5 and 6 boring.
2. Evan of all people made this comment talking about the ocean view from the hotel in Uruguay, "We've got a 360 degree view of the ocean."  EVAN, you're college educated - you aren't on an island if you're in Uruguay.
3. The whole introduction of the article in People Magazine was so contrived.  First, how could the contestants get their hands on a copy of the magazine?  We all know it was given by a producer.  Second, there was SO MUCH unnecessary drama around this.  Did we really need to listen to ALL the guys talk about this?
4. Even though Robby has done a good job of inserting himself into the conversation of who Jojo ends up with, Robby saying "I love you" on their first date?  That's freaking ridiculous.  Every year, the lead loses touch with "reality" to an extent, meaning that their experience is so vastly different from the contestants that they lose the ability to view the contestants objectively or empathetically.  This happened to Jojo with Robby - hearing I love you on a first date should be a red flag, but to her it didn't seem to raise a concern.
5. Jordan making out with Jojo during the group date on the other side of the wall from the rest of the guys was kind of a dick move.  It's the sort of thing that doesn't play well when everyone's watching the show.
6. The whole "Derek needs reaffirmation" narrative.  It just felt like the producers needed to add drama after The Chad was gone.
7. Alex becoming the new bully in The Chad's absence.  I guess we should have seen it coming, but at least The Chad was a good villain.  Alex is just annoying as the villain.  I think the difference is that Jojo actually seemed to be into Chad whereas I haven't ever believed that she was truly interested in Alex.  

They Are Called Red Flags For A Reason

Jojo was confronted with TWO major red flags and ignored both of them.  I spoke about the first one above when Robby professed his love for her during their first date.

The second red flag came when Jojo confronted Jordan about the cheating issue in his past.  It was pretty obvious how defensive Jordan got when the issue came up.  His body language became stand-offish and his tone became abrupt.  I think that Jordan has come up with "technicalities" for why what he did wasn't cheating.  He believes those technicalities and thus doesn't believe that he's lying.  But he doesn't want to be pressed on the issue either.  Of course, Jojo is totally into him (notice that she saved her best one-on-one outfit for her date with him?) so she was content to accept his explanation.  The look of happiness on his face had everything to do with him getting out of hot water and had nothing to do with his feelings for Jojo.

What To Do When A Woman Cries

During this episode, SOMEHOW the guys got their hands on In Touch magazine where one of Jojo's ex-boyfriends (also named Chad) wrote a whole piece about how she was still seeing him.  The guys on the show, who had all put their lives on hold for several months in exchange for fame and notoriety the chance to woo Jojo, definitely had a reason to be concerned.  The little gossip machine made this out to be a bigger deal than it was, but the guys should have had a few questions.

We learned from Jojo's private camera time that the ex-boyfriend was a guy who was pseudo-stalking her and that she had made the mistake of being thoughtful and sensitive with him while they broke up years before and he hadn't been able to let go.    Remember when she was on her hometown date with Ben and there were unexpected roses at her door?  Yeah, that was the ex-boyfriend sabotaging her relationship with another man.

Jojo decided to address the issue head-on with the guys.  However, while talking in the group, Jojo began to cry and never really went into any detail with the guys as to what happened.  The men immediately melted, telling her that it was okay and that they supported her even though they didn't know what they were supporting her on.

Evelyn's comment was that "whenever a woman sheds a tear, men believe them."  [Of course, that got me wondering about some of the apologies Evelyn has given me over the years... but I digress.]  Not one person pushed back on Jojo to get more details or to explore whether they had any reason to be concerned about the article.  No one reached out to see what support she might want.  It was like none of the guys knew how to approach the situation, but they all knew that to do it wrong would have had dire consequences.  I was disappointed that James T, Evan, and Wells all weren't able to shine in this moment.

But if you were one of the guys, how would you broach the subject in a respectful and empowering way?  It isn't easy because you would want to be empowering (after such a disempowering thing), but you also would want to get whatever information you needed.

I'm no expert, but I'd probably approach it like this... "Jojo, it's clear that whatever this guy said has hurt you and we want to be supportive of you.  I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have a few other questions I'd like to ask you, but I don't want to put you on the spot or have to address this on national television.  And I definitely don't want to give this guy the satisfaction of seeing you have to answer anything you don't want to.  How would you like us to ask you any questions about this?  And is there anything you need from us?"

Yeah... there's probably a reason why I'd never be considered for The Bachelorette.