Bachelor In Paradise - Episode 2 - A Study In Masculinity

(Quick disclaimer - I have not seen past episode 2 yet of this season.  All my reactions are based entirely on what has been shown on the show.  I have not viewed any spoilers beyond the previews shown during the episodes and I have not read anything about what happens.)

I am LOVING this season so far.  There are so many different things that can be discussed.  For this episode, my focus was on all of the different ways that masculinity was portrayed.  And to no one's surprise, it wasn't really positive if you go against gender norms.

Masculinity Example #1 - Overly Aggressive: The Chad

The Chad and Lace.  Notice the aggressive posture.

Episode 2 began with the cliffhanger(?) of The Chad being dismissed from the show.  For those of you not watching the show, but reading the blog, The Chad is a clusterfuck of a human who, on night one, managed to get shit-faced drunk and kiss fight with Lace up until the point that he started being too physical with her and extraordinarily rude to everyone else.

At the start of Episode 2, we saw Chad being belligerent with Chris Harrison (the host) and the camera crew.  Some quotes, "On a scale from 1 to fuck off... fuck off." (to Chris Harrison).  "You come at me with 25 people, I'm going to say things that are slightly offensive, slightly funny.  What do you expect?  It's like... fun.  It's fun.  They were all vibing me until they realized that they weren't supposed to be vibing me."  "Vibing my meat tastes."

The Chad is our shining example of a guy who gets what he wants through aggression and force.  He blames others for his problems and intimidates others by losing control.  The show rewards this behavior by focusing on it and not stepping in while it's happening.  Chad has had about 200% more air time than he should have and the previews make it look like he'll be getting even more.

Masculinity Example #2 - Following Gender Norms: Jared, Vinny, Grant, Daniel, Josh

Vinny and Izzy.  Who?

Vinny effectively used the rose situation (he had one to give out and two people interested (Sarah and Izzy) to get himself two make out sessions on the same night.  (That may not look so good upon replay.)  Now, we know that Vinny was interested in Sarah when she arrived and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he honestly didn't know who he was going to pick.  But like a typical guy, Vinny went with the sure thing.  Even more typically, he didn't tell either woman what he was thinking.

Grant - looking past it

After watching Lace making out with Chad the previous night, Grant swooped in and ignored his own advice from the previous episode when he said, "She looks like a mess.  I feel sorry for anyone who dates her."  What rubbed me the wrong way was that Grant kept saying to Lace, "I'm willing to look past it."  What is "it" specifically?  Being interested in someone else?  Being mistreated by a guy in front of 12 other people who were unwilling or unable to stand up for her?  What's wrong with a woman making out with a couple guys?  If anything, Grant should be saying something like, "I'm sorry I didn't step in last night to make sure that you were okay."

Josh and Amanda

Daniel (with The Chad)

Neither Josh nor Daniel seems capable of having a conversation about feelings.  In most of their discussions, they seem to base their interest in women solely on their looks.  To his credit, Daniel did give his rose to Sarah because everyone seemed to like having her around.  But that doesn't make up for Daniel's first day in paradise where he made some pretty demeaning comments (comparing them to dogs, etc.)

Jared and Jubilee on their 1-1 date

And Jared... I can't get a read on Jared.  In his one-on-one date with Jubilee and in his time with Emily, he just has seemed emotionally distant.  In doing so, he's maintaining control.

Masculinity Example #3 - The Effeminate Guy: Evan

Evan and Carly before the emasculation

Evan could have been the lead singer for an 80s band.  But instead, he's an erectile dysfunction specialist.  He's in touch with his feelings and he consistently talks about wanting to be stronger in his private camera time.  But the fact of the matter is that Evan does not have a stereotypically male presence.

He and Carly struck up a friendship and both of them were interested in seeing if things could progress.  While they DID kiss, there were three major problems: 1) It did not happen in a romantic way; 2) Evan is apparently a bad kisser; and 3) Evan didn't initiate the kiss, it just kind of happened.

The night after the rose ceremony, Evan and Carly went on a one-on-one date that was, admittedly, pretty freaking horrible.  Their date was to set a world record for "Longest Hottest Kiss" where each of them had to eat a habanero pepper in 30 seconds and then maintain a kiss for at least 90 seconds.  That was mean of the producers.

Carly was pretty rude when talking about Evan in her private camera time.  Saying things like "That was the worst kiss ever" or "I've never wanted to not go on a date more in my life" or "I vomited partly from the habanero and partly from kissing Evan".  Is there more that the producers can do to emasculate him?

Masculinity Example #4 - The Emotionally Intelligent Guy/The Feminist: Nick

Nick

with Amanda

Disclaimer: I've liked Nick ever since Andi's season.

We saw on his date with Amanda that he has a high level of emotional intelligence and can actually communicate about his feelings.  During their dinner, Nick reflected to Amanda the qualities he saw in her that were deeper than her "niceness".  I liked the way he asked her to describe what she was looking for in a husband.  The whole discussion was mature and it was a refreshing change from some of the other interactions taking place.  They both seemed TOTALLY into each other.

I also tremendously respected that when Leah met one-on-one with Nick to try to get his rose, he told her directly that he wasn't going to do it.  He didn't give her false hope nor did he lie to her.  Instead, he gave her plenty of time to try to secure a rose from one of the other guys (leading to one of the funniest exchanges ever (with Daniel)).

BUT THEN...

After the rose ceremony, the next man to arrive was Josh Murray, the "winner" of Andi's season.  This was the same season that Nick was the runner up the first time.  In a lot of ways, Josh blamed Nick for the failure of Josh and Andi's relationship - Josh was pretty jealous of Andi's relationship with Nick and wasn't able to get over it, even after he won.  It was definitely NOT a coincidence that Josh came on the show so early.

Josh IMMEDIATELY found out who Nick was interested in and proceeded to ask Amanda out on a date.  Amanda accepted and their date had some sparks.  Soon after they returned from their date, Josh made a point of kissing her in front of Nick.  And here, the episode ended.

Now one could say that if Nick really liked Amanda, he should fight for her and not let her pick Josh over him.  But I believe that women should have a say in who they date.  Just because Nick wants Amanda, it doesn't mean that the feeling is mutual.  Of course Nick shouldn't give up without any fight.  He needs to pull Amanda aside and tell her how he feels about her, but that ultimately she needs to decide who she feels is the best fit for her in the long run.  It isn't the sexy or romantic way to approach it, but ultimately, Amanda needs to decide for herself what she wants.  I've always felt that if you needed to convince someone to love you, it isn't going to last.

We'll see what happens.

Current Crazy Watch

Let's see if your scorecard matches mine:

Voices of Reason (VOR): Nick, Vinny, Sarah, Jared
Crazies: Jubilee (eliminated), Leah (eliminated), Lace, Chad (eliminated)
Fame Seekers: Evan, Carly, Daniel, Emily, Haley, Grant, Izzy, Josh
Not sure: Amanda (probably a VOR)

If we look at the relationships:
Lace and Grant (Crazy and Fame Seeker) - lasts for this season
Vinny and Izzy (VOR and Fame Seeker) - won't last
Nick and Amanda (VOR and VOR) - marriage material
Amanda and Josh (VOR and Fame Seeker) - won't last
(not including Carly and Evan due to her extreme distaste for him)

Other Thoughts

• Evelyn's first comment on seeing Josh - "His teeth are not real"
• Josh always sounds like he's a coach giving pep talks.  Listen to his private camera time, it's like he's trying to psych someone up for the big game.  Evelyn says that he's always trying to put a positive spin on things.
• In one days' time, Leah was BLINDSIDED that Chad wasn't there (blindsided?), SMITTEN by Nick, FLABBERGASTED (when Nick took Amanda on a date immediately after she had taken Nick on a date), JEALOUS of Amanda, BETRAYED when Nick didn't feel like their one date meant they were in a relationship, and she managed to alienate everyone who had previously known her.  It was a pretty epic day in paradise.
• Some advice for Amanda... if you are ever in a situation where a woman has written a tell-all book and one of the guys you like is prominently featured negatively in it, don't take his word when he says "It's all lies".  Fucking think about it.  Let's say you were in Josh's situation... even if everything said in the book was a lie, you'd still have thoughts about it that would be worth sharing.  But to shut down the whole conversation either means that Josh has something to hide/be embarrassed about OR Josh is unable to talk about himself or his feelings.
• Some more advice for Amanda, if a guy asks you about yourself and immediately after mentioning that you have two kids he tries to show empathy by talking about his dog being the apple of his eye... he is willing to say anything to get into your pants and that is all.  Comparing kids to owning a dog isn't even in the same ballpark.

And To The Best Exchange of the Season...

Daniel messing with Leah while she was desperately trying to get a rose:

Leah: I've got a lot of layers

Daniel: Like an onion?

L: Yeah, like an onion.

D: You're not gonna make me cry, though

L: No

D: Then you aren't like an onion.

L: (mumbles something unintelligible)

D: You're like an orange.  One layer.
L: (speechless)

Bachelor In Paradise - Episode 1

What did I just watch????


On one hand, I want to encourage everyone to watch this season of Bachelor In Paradise.  On the other hand, I think that everyone should avoid it at all costs.  But I am absolutely riveted by what I saw in the first episode.

I want to avoid talking about The Chad.  I think it rewards disrespectful behavior.  He is an ugly human being.  Unfortunately, you can't talk about this episode without talking about him, but we'll get to that later.

The Three Categories of Contestants

A couple of seasons ago, I wrote in my blog that there were three types of contestants on Bachelor In Paradise: Voices of Reason (VOR) (the peer counselors/the ones who keep everything in perspective), Fame Seekers (the ones who will do/say anything to get as much air time as possible), and Crazies.  I have decided to re-define the "Crazy" category so that it includes men/women who get obsessive, men/women who refuse (or are unable) to listen to reason.

I also wrote this:

Fame Seekers and Crazies make a natural self-sustaining relationship.  The Fame Seeker knows that he/she won't get kicked off no matter what they do because the Crazies don't know when to say "enough".

Fame Seekers can date other Fame Seekers... it doesn't make for a compelling relationship because they both want to be on tv and can't really deepen the relationship.

Crazies cannot date Crazies.  That leads to domestic violence.

VOR cannot date Crazies.  They realize that Crazy always stay Crazy and that gets scary.

VOR can date Fame Seekers for the short term, but it doesn't work in the long term.  The Fame Seeker comes across as fake and the VOR can't take it for too long.

VOR can date VOR, but it isn't compelling tv to watch a healthy relationship.  They may just get married (like Tanner and Jade last year).

Obviously, EVERYONE on the show has some element of being a fame seeker, but if you look closely, you can see their true colors shine through.

The Contestants

Before watching this episode, I didn't watch any of the previews of the season.  I made a list of the people I would like to see on the show.  I came up with: Jubilee (from Ben's season), Josh A (Kaitlyn's season), Cody (Andi), Ben Z (Kaitlyn), Lauren H (Ben), Carly (Chris), Amber (Chris and Ben), Danielle (Juan Pablo), Olivia (Ben) Nick (Andi and Kaitlyn), Clare (Juan Pablo), Wells (Jojo), James T (Jojo), Christian (Jojo), and Michelle Money (because why not).  I was very happy with the results.

As I was watching each of the video introductions, I realized how excited I was for the season.


I have provided my snap judgment/categorization of each contestant and also, parenthetically, my reaction to seeing them on the show:

Voices of Reason:
Amanda (YAY!), Nick (YAY!), Vinny (meh), Jared (yay), Sarah (FUCKING YAY!!!), Carly (YAY!)

Crazies:
Jubilee (YAY!), Lace (meh), Chad (BOO)

Fame Seekers:
Evan (meh), Daniel (meh), Emily (Boo), Haley (Boo), Grant (meh), Izzy (who?)

Favorite Quotes

"It's the penis guy" - Jubilee (when Evan arrived in Paradise)
"Find out his name so I don't call him penis guy" - Jubilee to Nick
"I love savage people" - Jubilee (about Chad)
"I think the new girl is beautiful" - Vinny about Sarah (and then never talked to her)
"How old are you?" Daniel to Izzy.  To which Izzy says '25'.  Daniel says, "27? 23? 21? 25? 23?"  Izzy said '25' two more times before giving up.
"Let's go over there with everyone else" - Izzy to Daniel right after.
"You look pretty" Amanda to Lace (with the ever-so-slightest emphasis on the word look which turns what would have been a compliment into a slight)
"It's probably the stupidest conversation ever" -Emily or Haley talking about the conversation that Daniel was having with the other twin.
"I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out." - Amanda when asked who she would ask out on a date if she got a date card.  It was just so diplomatic, but perfectly deflected.
"Jubilee seems like an Ashley I rerun" - Carly being very insightful
"I've been to war and back and can't handle a fricking clown?" - Jubilee while on her date with Jared and getting interrupted by a clown.

"Don't go all in on the first night" - Vinny (after going all in on the first night)
"She looks like a mess.  I feel sorry for anyone who dates her." - Grant about Lace (it just felt like foreshadowing)
"Can you be a runner up in paradise?" - Nick (probably a foreshadowing quote)
"You have a better chance of making out with a turtle than making out with anyone here." - Daniel to Chad

And the best one... "Chad, your time in paradise has ended" - Chris Harrison

Least Favorite Quote

"I'm in Puerto Vallartee and I'm ready to party" - Vinny.  Fuck you, Vinny.

Other Observations

• Nick didn't really have any friends on Kaitlyn's season.  When Jared arrived, the two hugged like old friends.  They appear to have buried the hatchet.
• Nick's shorts seemed to be too tight
• I loved that Nick's occupation was "Runner Up" and that in his video introduction they replayed the two "I'm sorry"s he got from Andi and Kaitlyn
• The glow on Daniel's speedo was fantastic!
• At one point when Emily or Haley was speaking, the caption read "Haley or Emily" with the occupation "Twin"
• I don't buy that Chad shat himself while passed out.
• Why does everyone reference Jade and Tanner and not Marcus and Lacey?
• When Carly arrived, none of the guys went over to hug her
• There are twins on the show.
• When Grant and Jubilee met, he looked away while hugging her
• Who were the two people that Jubilee seemed to trust? Sarah and Nick.
• Hey, did you notice that there are twins on the show?
• When all the shit was going down with Chad, there were five women hanging out with Nick: Amanda, Haley, Emily, Sarah, and, eventually, Lace.  Seems like the women trust him.
• I think the producers knew it was only a matter of time until The Chad imploded.  In the last two seasons of BIP, there were six roses to be given out at each rose ceremony.  Then in BIP 3, there are seven guys and eight women (plus if one of the twins gets a rose, the other one stays?).  How would ANYONE get kicked off?  I think they knew that Chad would get kicked out before the first rose ceremony because they knew how volatile he would be.

Chad and Lace

Carly put it best, this WAS the shortest relationship ever on Bachelor In Paradise.  And you know what, it's too bad.  For the first 30 minutes, they were actually VERY cute.  Lace wasn't putting up with The Chad's shit.  Chad actually looked happy for a little bit - he actually seemed to be laughing for real.  They were actually kind of cute.  And while they were playing rough each other, it appeared to me to be consensual.  Watching them play at power dynamics and to see Chad cede some control to Lace was fascinating.

But then Chad couldn't let good stay good - he had to push it too far.  Who knows, maybe he felt the need to push her away.  Maybe he thought that he needed to get and stay drunk to keep her interested.  Maybe he couldn't keep toeing the line of play vs disrespect.

Whatever the case, Chad crossed the line.  He stopped listening to Lace and didn't respect her boundaries.  What started as cute and charming became inappropriate, offensive, and demeaning.

Time For Chad To Leave... Forever

It was hard to watch Chad get angry and physically intimidate Lace and to call her the names he did.  When he walked past her at one point, he pushed her out of the way.  Why didn't any of the BIP staff intervene?  The only one who stood up to him at all was Sarah and the stuff he said to her was WAY out of bounds.  Sarah has long been my favorite on BIP and somehow she became even more impressive by not giving Chad the pleasure of getting upset by his words.  I was disappointed that Nick didn't say/do anything.  But I thought Daniel did a good job of confronting Chad after everyone left.

I was surprised that Chris Harrison intervened as quickly and as decisively as he did, but I'm glad he did.  Chris Harrison made a big point of the fact that Chad was rude to the hotel staff.  I like that Chris gave everyone a chance to say what they wanted


We saw in the preview for Episode 2 that Chad comes back after being dismissed.  And then they made it out to be a big thing.  I would be SHOCKED if episode 2 ended up being even a quarter as exciting as they made it out to be.

Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 7

As I write this, I have not seen past this episode.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Thing I Absolutely Despised

How do you not go and meet James T's family?  How do you not select him for a hometown date?  Especially after Jojo said to him, "You have every quality that I would want in a husband and father to my children."  And you pick dumb as rocks Chase instead of him?  Chase?  The guy who said that he has never opened up before to a woman???

What the actual fuck?!?

I hope James T is the next Bachelor.

UPDATE - I've been thinking about this all day and I still don't understand Jojo's decision.  The only explanation I can think of is that Jojo doesn't want to face James's family and see what a great guy he is because it would only make the break-up harder because it's really down to Luke and Jordan (as evidenced by the fact that they got the one-on-one dates - Jojo wasn't using the extra time to explore her relationship with the other guys, she wanted to spend extra time with her two favorites).  Meanwhile, she finds both Robby and Chase to be really hot (they've both had some pretty intense make-out sessions with her).  Why not have fun with the hot ones and minimize the heartache at the same time?  I still don't like the decision, but it's the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Three or Four Things I Liked

1. I liked how Jordan opens up to Jojo and how relaxed they both are during their one-on-one time.  Watching this date in contrast to Jojo's date with Alex (after he got sent home) was night and day.  Jojo just seems to be at ease around Jordan.
2. Speaking of Alex, I was very happy to see him go home.  He needs to do some growing before he gets into another relationship.  On his date, he seemed like a puppy - really excited about everything, but no real understanding of anything.  It was almost as if Alex was thinking, "ok, we're making out.  What else do we need?"  He doesn't have the depth of character yet to really delve into understanding a potential life partner... understanding what's important to hr and why.  I also liked that Alex reacted to his being sent home like a puppy - with his head down and tail between his legs.  Just watch at my horror at him showing up on Bachelor In Paradise.
   
3. I really liked Jojo's speech at the beginning of the rose ceremony where she drew parallels to her experience in the previous season.  It had a ring of sincerity to it and wasn't the usual, "the choices just getting harder and harder" line we've heard 14,000 times.
4. During the group date, I loved how James was giving Robby shit for checking out all the women they'd pass by in Argentina (when not on dates).  When James mentioned WER (Wandering Eye Robby), I wanted to know if he just made that up on the spot or if it was an actual thing the guys called him.  Either way, I thought it was hilarious.

Three Things I Didn't Like

1. James getting sent home!  What the fuck?!  Robby getting the group date rose DESPITE the fact that his last relationship lasted 3 years and ended less than four months before The Bachelorette started taping.  There is NO WAY he can be in love again.  (That goes without mentioning the fact that he had fallen in love with Jojo after one date.)
2. Seriously, James got sent home?  Finding out that Aaron Rodgers won't be on the hometown visit for Jordan.  I was actually surprised to hear that Jordan and Aaron didn't have a good relationship, but the fact that it didn't come up until now was refreshingly real.  I mean, how do you bring that up on the show and not have it be misconstrued as you just being whiny or you just wanting to name drop or anything else?  It must suck to have a brother you don't talk to, but have the brother be famous and have everyone else assume that you've got it made because your brother is famous (I don't know about you, but that's what I was thinking).

   

   We won't see this guy on the Bachelorette any time soon.  :(

3. This has to be a joke, right?  James didn't get sent home, did he? Robby going streaking down the hallway during the group date and it being considered funny while on Chris's season of the Bachelor, when Kaitlyn went bottomless and Ashley I went topless, they got slut-shamed.  I'm all for nudity, but not as much for the double standards here.

By the way, is this the first Bachelor/Bachelorette in a while where someone hasn't snuck out to get more alone time with the lead?  I'm surprised that nothing like that happened this season - I feel like Robby, Jordan, Chase, and Alex were all candidates to do that.

Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 6

More catching up!  Note that at the time of writing this, I only know the four guys who are going on hometown dates, but I haven't seen anything beyond that.

Highlights of Episode 6

• Wells goes on a one-on-one date, gets his first kiss with Jojo, but gets eliminated
• Non-descript group date walking around Argentina and then playing street soccer
• A Second Two-On-One Date with Chase and Derek, and Derek is sent home
• Manufactured drama when James bringing up a minor issue about Jordan to Jojo
• Rose ceremony drama where Jojo can't pick between the last two guys and they both stay another week.

Didn't this episode feel like it was just filling time before we got to the hometown dates?  And even then, doesn't this whole thing come down to Jordan and Luke?  I'm glad that Wells got his date and kiss with Jojo, but none of us thought that he had a realistic shot, right?  And on the two-on-one date with Chase and Derek, shouldn't she have just sent both of them home?

The Implosion Of James Taylor

James, sorry I used such an unflattering picture.  I'm only using it to illustrate the heading.

I would love to meet James T.  He seems like a real down-to-earth guy with a great head on his shoulders.  He comes across as fun, funny, genuine, and trusting.  Unfortunately, his insecurities about his body and attractiveness are exacerbated by the format of the show.  Unlike physical chemistry and hotness, fun and genuine are not qualities that shine through in a fifteen minute stretch during a cocktail party.  These are qualities that grow in a relationship over time.

James's insecurities are making it difficult for him just to be himself, although he's doing everything he should be doing - he's been open with Jojo about his insecurities, he has sought validation from her (and received it).

The biggest problem this week is that he brought a minor issue with Jordan to Jojo's attention.  Now, let's ignore for a moment that whenever a contestant spends his/her time with the lead to talk about another candidate, it tends to be a death knell for the one complaining (see exception: The Chad).  I would not be surprised if James received a little extra push from the producers and was being reminded that Jordan was the "front runner" and that someone needed to bring him down a peg.

Strategically, if you're going to go after someone, PARTICULARLY the front runner, you have to bring your A game and have a strong case/evidence against him.  Without that, the tactic will almost certainly backfire.  If the lead likes the person you're complaining about, the lead will almost always defend them or give them the benefit of the doubt... even if your complaints ring true.

A more flattering picture.

Jojo and Luke

I've been fighting against the Luke train the whole way through, but he has been growing on me.  I noticed in this episode that Jojo seeks out Luke.  And when they're alone, Jojo initiates a lot of the kissing.  It confirms to me that Jojo is totally into him and he might be the best fit for her.

However, I'm getting flashbacks to previous seasons of the Bachelor/the Bachelorette wherein the best overall match for the lead gets trumped by the contestant who is definitely more attractive but who is also missing some of the traits needed to make the relationship.  It's like the Josh/Nick situation on Andi's season - Nick was a MUCH better fit for Andi, but she chose the hotter guy despite his red flags.  For Chris's season, he picked Whitney over two women who I thought were better overall fits (Jade and Becca).  In Kaitlyn's season, she picked Shawn (and his intense jealousy) over Nick.  And most recently, Ben picked Lauren B over Jojo despite the fact that Jojo was the person Ben was able to open up to more and who understood him better than anyone else.

All I'm saying is that it's a trend.  And, without knowing who wins this thing, it looks to me that Jojo is going to pick Jordan over Luke and it'll feel like a big mistake.

Andi and Josh - more attraction

Andi and Nick - more connection

Four Things I Liked

1. Wells's one-on-one date felt like a good tryout for Bachelor in Paradise (note, I have no idea if he's actually on BIP).  And further, I think he's a great candidate for him to be the next Tanner (understated guy who does MUCH better in an environment where he doesn't have to be overly aggressive to get noticed).  

   

   Nice guys don't always finish last

2.  After my rant against two-on-one dates (two posts ago), I liked the concept behind the Derek/Chase two-on-one date.  Two guys who don't really like each other engaged in activity that makes sense given the situation - a two-on-one tango dance lesson.  Unfortunately, it was clear that the dancing did not go as planned because tango needs a strong a strong male lead and neither Chase nor Derek were strong male dance leads.  I think the film crew did like 10 takes of the same exact scene - at the beginning of the dancing, they were totally into it.  The last few images, both Chase and Derek had a look of "I will go home right now if they ask us to do another take."

   

   Can it get more staged?

3. After sending Wells home, Jojo went to the Fuerza Bruta show by herself (not counting the whole film crew).  The feminist in me loved it - of course a woman should be able to go to a performance without a date!  Why should Jojo only have fun on dates?
4. I loved James's statement in his private camera saying "I think I'm the best guy for her.  There are guys [here] who make more money, there are guys here who are better looking, there are guys who might be smarter, but I think I'm the best guy for her."  I LOVED IT.

Three Things I Didn't Like

1. Jojo's remaining men are really skewing in the meathead and emotionally unintelligent direction.  She just sent home Derek and Wells, leaving (in order of least meatheaded to most): James T, Luke, Robby, Jordan, Alex, Chase.  As an example, while preparing for their two-on-one date
2. The focus on Wells and Jojo not having kissed.  Whoever is picking some of these "themes" or "angles" for the show is forcing it.  I can see the conversation in production - "The Jojo and Wells date is too boring, we need an angle to make people interested!  I know, Wells hasn't kissed her yet."  Shoot me now.
3. The overly dramatic juxtaposition of Derek crying in the limo while Chase and Jojo dance to the singing of Evita.  It lasted about five minutes too long.  The only redeeming thing was knowing that Chase had NO IDEA what the song and/or significance was for hearing it in Argentina - you could see it in his eyes that there was no recognition whatsoever.

Wait, Derek might win the Tanner award and not Wells.

Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 5

Once again, I'm catching up...

Highlights of Episode 5

• The guys celebrate The Chad being kicked off, only to have him show up again at the house
• Rose ceremony where James F (boxing dude) and Daniel (the annoying) got eliminated
• Jordan's one-on-one date yachting and swimming with seals
• The magazine non-issue
• The group date where they went sand boarding
• Robby's one-on-one date where they jumped off a cliff
• Rose ceremony where Evan, Grant, and Vinny go home

Three Things I Liked

I like all three of those things

1. Actually... I'll be honest, I really didn't like this episode much at all.  Looking back at the episode, there was very little, if anything, that I liked.  Instead of Three Things I Liked, I have...

Seven Things I Really Didn't Like

1. This episode was like the walking dead - it just felt like a formality to go from 13 to the four hometown dates.  In my notes, I wrote, "Vinny, James F, Daniel, Wells, Evan, Derek, and Alex could all go home this week.  Really it's between Luke, Jordan, and James."  Here's the thing, if it's down to thirteen guys and you haven't kissed the lead yet (or even come close), you're OUT, you just don't know it yet.  It makes episodes 5 and 6 boring.
2. Evan of all people made this comment talking about the ocean view from the hotel in Uruguay, "We've got a 360 degree view of the ocean."  EVAN, you're college educated - you aren't on an island if you're in Uruguay.
3. The whole introduction of the article in People Magazine was so contrived.  First, how could the contestants get their hands on a copy of the magazine?  We all know it was given by a producer.  Second, there was SO MUCH unnecessary drama around this.  Did we really need to listen to ALL the guys talk about this?
4. Even though Robby has done a good job of inserting himself into the conversation of who Jojo ends up with, Robby saying "I love you" on their first date?  That's freaking ridiculous.  Every year, the lead loses touch with "reality" to an extent, meaning that their experience is so vastly different from the contestants that they lose the ability to view the contestants objectively or empathetically.  This happened to Jojo with Robby - hearing I love you on a first date should be a red flag, but to her it didn't seem to raise a concern.
5. Jordan making out with Jojo during the group date on the other side of the wall from the rest of the guys was kind of a dick move.  It's the sort of thing that doesn't play well when everyone's watching the show.
6. The whole "Derek needs reaffirmation" narrative.  It just felt like the producers needed to add drama after The Chad was gone.
7. Alex becoming the new bully in The Chad's absence.  I guess we should have seen it coming, but at least The Chad was a good villain.  Alex is just annoying as the villain.  I think the difference is that Jojo actually seemed to be into Chad whereas I haven't ever believed that she was truly interested in Alex.  

They Are Called Red Flags For A Reason

Jojo was confronted with TWO major red flags and ignored both of them.  I spoke about the first one above when Robby professed his love for her during their first date.

The second red flag came when Jojo confronted Jordan about the cheating issue in his past.  It was pretty obvious how defensive Jordan got when the issue came up.  His body language became stand-offish and his tone became abrupt.  I think that Jordan has come up with "technicalities" for why what he did wasn't cheating.  He believes those technicalities and thus doesn't believe that he's lying.  But he doesn't want to be pressed on the issue either.  Of course, Jojo is totally into him (notice that she saved her best one-on-one outfit for her date with him?) so she was content to accept his explanation.  The look of happiness on his face had everything to do with him getting out of hot water and had nothing to do with his feelings for Jojo.

What To Do When A Woman Cries

During this episode, SOMEHOW the guys got their hands on In Touch magazine where one of Jojo's ex-boyfriends (also named Chad) wrote a whole piece about how she was still seeing him.  The guys on the show, who had all put their lives on hold for several months in exchange for fame and notoriety the chance to woo Jojo, definitely had a reason to be concerned.  The little gossip machine made this out to be a bigger deal than it was, but the guys should have had a few questions.

We learned from Jojo's private camera time that the ex-boyfriend was a guy who was pseudo-stalking her and that she had made the mistake of being thoughtful and sensitive with him while they broke up years before and he hadn't been able to let go.    Remember when she was on her hometown date with Ben and there were unexpected roses at her door?  Yeah, that was the ex-boyfriend sabotaging her relationship with another man.

Jojo decided to address the issue head-on with the guys.  However, while talking in the group, Jojo began to cry and never really went into any detail with the guys as to what happened.  The men immediately melted, telling her that it was okay and that they supported her even though they didn't know what they were supporting her on.

Evelyn's comment was that "whenever a woman sheds a tear, men believe them."  [Of course, that got me wondering about some of the apologies Evelyn has given me over the years... but I digress.]  Not one person pushed back on Jojo to get more details or to explore whether they had any reason to be concerned about the article.  No one reached out to see what support she might want.  It was like none of the guys knew how to approach the situation, but they all knew that to do it wrong would have had dire consequences.  I was disappointed that James T, Evan, and Wells all weren't able to shine in this moment.

But if you were one of the guys, how would you broach the subject in a respectful and empowering way?  It isn't easy because you would want to be empowering (after such a disempowering thing), but you also would want to get whatever information you needed.

I'm no expert, but I'd probably approach it like this... "Jojo, it's clear that whatever this guy said has hurt you and we want to be supportive of you.  I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have a few other questions I'd like to ask you, but I don't want to put you on the spot or have to address this on national television.  And I definitely don't want to give this guy the satisfaction of seeing you have to answer anything you don't want to.  How would you like us to ask you any questions about this?  And is there anything you need from us?"

Yeah... there's probably a reason why I'd never be considered for The Bachelorette.

Bachelorette Viewing Guide - Episode 4

Another catch-up post...

Shit.  A bunch of catch up posts.  To be honest, with the Black Lives Matter activity and the Republican/Democratic National Conventions, I felt like there was more important stuff going on.  But now I'm back to writing AND I have to get to Bachelor In Paradise!

I actually don't know how the season ends yet!!!  I'm working my way through it.  So consider this a trip down memory lane back when things were so much simpler...


Episode four had the following highlights:

• The pool party where there was all sorts of tension waiting for The Chad to explode, but he didn't.
• The one-on-one date with Luke
• The group date where they played football (we loved Wells and James T)
• The heavily anticipated two-on-one date with Alex and The Chad

Jojo and Luke

I'm using this picture because I couldn't get one of the puppy butts for Evelyn.

Jojo is totally into Luke and I'm not sure I understand why.  I'll admit that Luke has been growing on me tremendously... I loved his handling of The Chad when all the other guys were on the group date. I agree with Jojo that he has a relaxed confidence to him.  Nonetheless, I just don't see them as a great fit for her in the long run.  I think that Jojo feels a great deal of physical attraction to him and that she loves getting him to open up about himself, but I get the sense that their lifestyles are very different.

However, the most telling thing was when Jojo slipped during her toast to Luke while they say in the hot tub and said, "here's to the first of mmm... hopefully many more dates."

Farewell To The Chad

I was enthralled by The Chad's body language, word choice, vocal tone, and actions when Jojo confronted him about his threats to find Jordan after the show was over and beat his ass.  I think I expected him to deny it and wiggle his way out.  (I wonder how Jojo would have reacted if The Chad had responded with incredulity and flat denials.  Would she have given him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN?)

Instead, TC conveyed a sense of entitlement and that there was no problem with his threat to Jordan. For example, when Jojo divulged that Alex had told her about the threat on Jordan, TC's body language did not change one bit.  Instead, he put on a poker face and said, "oh did he?" - as a manipulative way to get Jojo to disclose even more information about what she had heard.  Most people, when faced with an accusation, would at least physically respond, moving backward as if distancing themselves from the bad thing being said about them.  He almost seemed proud of himself as if he was saying, "see, I'm acting like a man and you should respect me."

I imagine that a number of people found fault with Jojo not dismissing TC immediately after their conversation and that she was still trying to find an explanation for his actions (TC's mother having recently passed) other than the obvious - he's a manipulative guy with warning flags ALL around him.  But how would she possibly know how physically aggressive he was without seeing the footage?

Three things I liked

1) Derek's response to The Chad's confrontational behavior was terrific.  Derek was assertive and strong.  He didn't hide from The Chad, he didn't back down, but he held his ground despite The Chad's accusations.

2) I know two people who wear Red, White, and Blue socks on dates.  One of them is Captain America.  The other is Alex.

3) Like him or hate him, I really do like how Jordan leads almost all of his interactions with Jojo with questions about her.  He waits to allow her to talk about herself before talking about himself.

Three things I didn't like

1) I'm finding myself not entirely digging the 2-on-1 date thing as much any more.  It's too much of an easy out for the lead to get rid of the villain and it has become almost too predictable.  If I were to rank the 2-on-1 dates from least interesting to most interesting, it would be:

• JJ vs Joe on Kaitlyn's season - I completely forgot this date even happened.  BO-RING.
• The Chad vs Alex this season - the table was already set for Jojo to send The Chad home directly, why give her the easy way out and do it on a 2-on-1?  I would have much preferred her to send The Chad home after one of his outbursts or just not to get a rose at a rose ceremony.
• Olivia vs the twin (Emily) on Ben's season - Olivia was so devastated and so blind-sided that it made for good tv.  Though I must admit that I really loved Olivia's confidence and intelligence and I was sad for her when she got eliminated.
• Kelsey and Ashley I on Chris's season - the first 2-on-1 date is still the gold standard.  When Chris had his one-on-one time with Ashley, she divulged to him everything that the women in the group hated about Kelsey.  Chris ended up eliminating BOTH of them but not until after we got to see Kelsey stare down Ashley I and deliver her "I know what you did" speech.  Oh, so so so so so SO good.

Can you feel the hate?

Maybe it's because this 2-on-1 date didn't leave one (or both) contestants way out in the middle of nowhere.

Bye bye Olivia!

2) Each time that The Chad says, "you back me into a corner, what else can I do?"  It's just so juvenile and repetitive.  I did love that Jojo's response was "you can sit down and have a conversation."  Of course, that presupposes that he knows how to communicate with real people.  I know people were sad to see The Chad and all of his drama leave, but I thought it got in the way of seeing the others more fully.

3) Luke's hair.  It reminds me too much of Joe from Kaitlyn's season.